Haynes® Manual Usage
Please read and follow
- Haynes® manual.
- X-Acto™ knife.
broad-tip permanent ink marker (such as Marks-a-Lot®)
cement or white glue (such as Elmer's® or Ross®)
1. Remove the cellophane
from your Haynes® manual and discard wrapper in accord with
prevailing environmental regulations. As with all plastics, cellophane
must not be disposed of in fire.
2. Open manual so that inside
front cover is visible. Apply rubber cement or white glue to inside front
cover and facing page.
3. Turn page and apply pressure so that
inside front cover adheres to first page. Apply rubber cement or white
glue to facing pages; adhere. Repeat for every set of two facing pages,
including inside back cover. It may be helpful occasionally to close the
manual and stand upon it to ensure a good and durable bond between
4. Apply rubber cement or white glue to edges of manual
(excluding spine); permit to dry.
5. Using ink marker, write
one or more of the following words in block letters on the front cover,
the rear cover, the spine and all three remaining edges: DANGER PELIGRO GEVAAR GEFAHR PERICOLO PERIGO
. Select the words from this list that reflect the
you use, starting with the language you use most frequently.
Substitute equivalent words from your language(s) as necessary.
Place prepared manual on work surface. Pour prepared coffee into mug.
Place mug atop prepared manual to prevent coffee stains from marring work
surface. In this manner, coffee may even be spilled without long-term
6a. IF YOU DO NOT DRINK COFFEE: Disregard step 6.
Instead, place prepared manual in gap between trailing edge of workspace
door and door frame. In this manner, door may be held open even in the
presence of wind, closing-assist springs, etc.
6b. IF YOU DO
NOT DRINK COFFEE OR HAVE A DOOR: Disregard steps 6 and 6a. Instead, place
prepared manual in a suitable firepit or fireplace. Ensure adequate
ventillation, and set fire to prepared manual, prodding as necessary to
assure complete combustion. (CAUTION: Burning
manual is hot and emits noxious fumes.)
Thank you for
purchasing a Haynes® manual. We hope it serves you well in its
function as a suitable coffee coaster, a useful doorstop, or at least 6
minutes of heat.
Do Not Under
Any Circumstances Attempt To Repair Any Vehicle, Regardless of Make, Model
or Year, Using your Haynes® Manual! Severe Personal Injury, Property
Damage and/or Funds Depletion Can Result!